Mama, I swear to you that is does not have to be like this. We can make simple changes in our lives that will allow us to do so much more than merely survive motherhood. We can create space and freedom where there was fear and stress. We can learn to make peace with the lives that we have and actually (really and truly) begin to let things go.
It is possible to be okay and to be struggling at the same time. We can be healthy and hurting. We can be healed and yet never be the same as we were. We can be amazing mothers, wives, partners, siblings, friends, bosses, coworkers - PEOPLE - all while struggling with our mental health or while we reach for growth.
Why wasn’t it important to care for our lawn until we were selling the house?
This was the latest in a line of upgrades we made to our home in preparation for the sale. I keep joking that we’re making the house really nice for someone else because no one would buy what we were living in.
So, why are these possible buyers worthy or new floors and bright walls, but we weren’t?
Why are they worthy of a lush green lawn?
Why are they worthy of clear countertops and upgraded bathrooms?
If you haven’t caught on yet - this isn’t really about my house. (But if you’d like to buy my house please send me an email!) This is about me. This is about all of us.
We feel the weight of those eyes. We feel the pressure to lead and that can be so heavy - especially when we’re not sure of our own path. Or when we’re exhausted. Or when we’re activated by past traumas. Or when we’re struggling to heal ourselves.
And so we strive for perfection because we think that’s what they need from us. We want so desperately to give our children The Perfect Childhood ™ with The Perfect Mother ™ that we forget that those don’t exist. The trademarks are held by patriarchy and capitalism, not by any mother who has ever parented in the real world.